Thursday, February 14, 2013

To, Kuki - The V-day


Today is February 14th. The most hyped-about day of the year. As you might by now (when you are reading this) know what V stands for. Valentine. The history relates this day to more than one saint with the name Valentine or Valentinus as recognized by the Catholic Church and with some connections to the Roman tradition.

Although this day has more than one version of historical background, in our age this day is a day of Romance. Yeah, some connection to the word Roman, at the least!

To me, today is definitely a V-day. But on a topic at a slight tangent. This year, women in different parts of the world seem to be rising as a part of the One Billion Rising initiative. And I’d like to rise. By thinking. Talking. And I’d like to talk to you. Not as your mother, but as a fellow woman.

a. If you cannot love yourself, no one else can so truly.

I do not say, do not enjoy this day. If a guy(s) gives you a flower, card, poem and say they have feelings for you. Smile inside. Be happy, enjoy the feeling. But remember, you do not have to have the same feelings for them by default. Enjoy the flower, card and poem. And if no one gives you these, then gift yourself. Buy yourself flowers and cards. Go out to a restaurant and have a nice lunch. Or buy yourself a coffee and a book. Or, just do anything that will bring a smile on your face.
Hope you grow up to realize and understand that you do not always need someone else to keep you happy as a person. Yes, this is easier said than done. So, I hope you realize this sometime soon.

b. If you cannot help yourself, no one else can.

Kuki, dress up to look beautiful, in your own eyes. Be humble. Love yourself. Learn to say no. The last one is a tough ask, but I hope you learn it. If your gut feeling is no to something, go by it. Keeping others happy might not give you sound sleep. But having a happy soul - that will get you through the dark. Learn to stand up and fight for yourself. For what you think is right. And I hope I get to teach you what is right ;). But yes, do that. Everyone might not agree, including me. But that is fine. If you have faith in what you stand up for, that is half the work done.

c. If you cannot forgive yourself, no amount of forgiveness is worth it.

Remember, people will always talk. They will help you feel miserable and ok-ish. But it is on you to be sparky, smiley and all sunshine. Yes, be the sunshine in other people’s life. Smile at your household helpers, housekeeping people, friends, teachers, colleagues, shop keepers. You have nothing to lose by smiling. Respect others’ lives and circumstances. Forgive little errors. Forget, if you can.

d. If you cannot trust yourself, no one else can.

Learn to trust. Yourself and others. If A, B and C let you down, give D a chance. Life would be brighter if you are ready to trust and take the risk. Than relying on the past, not trusting and living a sad life. During this process, learn from mistakes. Please, make mistakes.
Erring is a journey that will take you to multiple destinations. One, a learnt lesson. Two, lotsa fun moments to treasure. Three, the benefit of courage. Coz you will then know, it is ok to make mistakes. But please be ready to forgive yourself and pick yourself up.

e. If you cannot keep resolutions, do not make promises.

Never let anyone walk over you. And for that, love yourself first. Before you love anyone. Kuki, no one can hurt you unless you give them the power to. Help others. Love others. Forgive others. But before all that, help yourself. Love yourself and forgive yourself. Make promises to yourself and keep them. As I see it, resolutions are promises we make to ourselves. If you can’t keep promises to yourself, how can you keep them for others?

I say all this because, today we talk of violence against women. And I wish every mother, sister, teacher told their daughter, sister, student to love themselves and stand up for themselves. World might have been a better place.
Love, R

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